I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
