sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
