fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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