what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
