Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
