maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
