I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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