Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
