do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This toilet bowl is my home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
