God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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