This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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