It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
