birth control should be required to get into college
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
