Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
