I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
