I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
