My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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