Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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