census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
