I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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