I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
