dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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