I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Congratulations! We have a period
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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