i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
