I wanna bring you to show and tell
Umm I'm too high to move.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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