I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
