i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
