saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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