I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
