I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
