apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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