he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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