Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
