I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
