Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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