is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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