I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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