NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
