Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
