O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
