Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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