Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
