She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
