"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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