The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
