yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
