Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
