After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
