so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
