when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
