You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
