I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
