yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
