Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
