Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
